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3/23/11 12:22 am - onethousandtwohundredeightyseven: errrr-

hello revision

die la

ooh it's also someone's special day but i really can't be arsed, sigh

gooooodnight

2/24/11 03:57 pm - onethousandtwohundredeightysix: my name is sheeeeeeila~

this song is stuck in my head and katrina kaif is giving me self-esteem issues. >( i should really stop watching the video over and over again.

so.. it's been more than a month since i posted. i'm really getting from bad to worse. i think my laziness has seriously reached new heights, because jaime tried to wake me up this morning to keep to our gym schedule but i just rolled over and moaned like a dying animal. granted i had a really bad night's sleep and bad dreams, but it was still eight hours.. hahaha such excuses

lent term has basically sped by and to my chagrin i really can't name what i've achieved besides staying in one piece and surviving essays after another. of course there's maintaining qualified, along with attending london fashion week/flop (honestly.. hipsterrific to the max) and producing LDN by LSE etc etc well yea you get my drift.

also managed to squeeze out some time during reading week to visit my fourth aunt and her tots in yorkshire. at the risk of sounding like an spg, there really are so many (aesthetic) perks to having mixed children. lo and behold

lily







jasmine, who at the tender age of twelve is five foot seven. fml x1000000









had to bring work up to yorkshire, but i was done with that on sunday night so monday/tuesday was spent just loafing around. unwisely decided to take a walk in the hough nearby in my new suede boots.. why do i never think before running out??? thank god for tissue and dry winters





























chilling on my grandfather's road y'all

i've a class in approximately two hours and i really can't be arsed to get dressed and leave home for it. but skipping this one really isn't an option considering i missed the previous one because of reed smith + it only takes place once a fortnight. need something to replace my lazy lazy bonez

OKAY enough slobbing around going to do some reading and hopefully achieve something other than an encyclopaediac knowledge of bollywood movies. and cat breeds. man, if i really do end up working here i'm so getting a cat.. more specifically a MAINE COON :D :D :D :D :D

1/14/11 09:48 am - onethousandtwohundredeightyfive: jai guru deva ommmmmm-

koreans on the sartorialist



would commit murder for her gloves. though i could just head down to selfridges/liberty, that might be logistically simpler



yumz but he funnily reminds me of ken watanabe.

so nothing terribly exciting's been happening this new year aside from catching up with friends. internships? what are those? NOTHING~

at this point i'm just pretty much resigned and being all new-age-y about my state of employment this summer. if the universe decides to grant me the ridiculous unattainable privilege of a vacation scheme, then so be it!! if it doesn't, so be it!!! i will just sit here and do my schoolwork like a STUDENT ought to be doing and drink lots of ginger tea. man i love that shit now.

okay talk less read more (non-law related things) bye

1/7/11 12:01 am - onethousandtwohundredeightyfour: obligatory new year post because i never do one.

did quite a fair bit of thinking on the treadmill today, for once not about work or upcoming schedule/events but about my new year's resolutions!! :D which is new, honestly, because i never make resolutions. obviously i say a few hysterical things after the countdown, more than a few if i'm at the legend with polinn and jan and qian and momo and everyone but THE POINT IS 2011's going to be different. because i think it's going to be hard.

SO. starting with an easy one

1. i resolve to keep up all this exercise even though running makes me want to cry. okay clearly lies, it doesn't want to make me cry anymore but given a choice i'd not move an inch. ironically, i'm crunching away on all butter cheese twists that marks & spencer tells me are "crisp, light puff pastry with gruyere cheese" while watching how i met your mother.. after a massive dinner. ANYWAY SIDETRACKED 90% of this is vanity and 10% is grudging realisation that being fitter/working out in the morning starts my day right and i just get more done. ugh clearly no way around this resolution. poo >(

2. i resolve to be kinder to my family and true friends. family's obvious because i owe them everything, and the more time i spend in london, the more i realise that and wonder how i'm ever going to repay my parents. v asian mentality, but i feel with the greatest, greatest conviction that i have to make good for them at least, if not for myself. friends-wise: at the risk of sounding horrible and conceited, i've realised that i'm actually a lot more naive and generous that i think i am and that's really bad. i know kindness and love and other emotional/spiritual crap isn't some kind of limited resource that has to be rationed out, but time and money and attention definitely are and i don't want to rob my family or real friends of the portions that they deserve simply because i'm distracted by everything/everyone else out there. sounds really shit but i can't just take everyone at face value anymore. and i know that despite all this bitchery i instinctively do trust quite readily, but now i've decided i can't afford to. so now, with the exception of family and true friends (who are effectively chosen family anyway), i'm only going to give as much as i get. bit harsh for even my taste but that's how it's going to be from now on.

3. i resolve to not lose perspective as often or as deeply as i have this year. something i always remind myself about when i'm strung out or plain destroyed is that my person and my life and the world is so much more and way bigger than my problems. i tell myself to stop bitchin' and cryin' and whinin' and force myself to admit that whatever's fucking me up is essentially.. no bigs. allow myself a couple of self-pitying songs and emails and maybe some half-assed weeping and two hours later i'm usually fine (read: asleep). however, it's happened way too much in 2010. most of the time i never really reached the weeping stage, but i think that paradoxically, because i have higher tolerance now, i never fully vent. and because i never fully vent, it gets all clichedly repressed and a few days later i'll start sinking again and it'll be worse and i'll resist and so on and so forth until i get sick enough of this yo-yo-ing and eventually feel like killing someone i.e. that post two months or so ago where i wondered what it'd be like to actually hurt someone v badly a la sociopathi con sharpaggio intrumentia. i can't let this happen in 2011 because i have too many things i have to do well, and so much more i need to get done.

also, it's just silly to allow yourself to be upset when you're almost twenty one with a great family and awesome friends all over the world and in my fantastic university. with hopefully a bright future. woohooo money!!!! $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

..err just realised i called lse "fantastic". i think it's time for more tv. alriiiight ending resolutions here. here's to an unparalleled year and lots of money!!!!! $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ PRIORITIES, y'all $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

1/4/11 11:02 pm - onethousandtwohundredeightythree: whaaaddddduuuuppp!

boo



alright so it's kinda sad that i hardly post here now. six months ago, not posting in two weeks was already a travesty but now i'm reaching new heights of laziness and plain absent-mindedness.

..k the latter's a lie because i obsessively write everything down now. by "everything" i mean school or errand-related, because.. that's just how my life rolls nowadays, my friends.

anyway, brief summary:

1. clarice came over and we had lots of fun wiggling around london. spent quite a lot of $$, but then again i think i deserved to treat myself to pretty things after the blitzkrieg that was michaelmas 2010.
2. leon came over and we flew off to prague, vienna and budapest!!! met jan and qian and claire in vienna and had cake + hung out in their room for ages, just catching up and bullshitting around like we always do. fun times. leon's technically still here, just.. not because he's in bordeaux now. what a sweet pre-ns life that boy has.

highlights


creamy rosemary chicken on a bed of potatoes and spinach. hungarians know how to eat.


second oldest train in the world, budapest metro line 1


our really cute hostel!! you can tell which city's my favourite, oops




ROOSTER TESTICLES


pogacsa aka salted cheese pastry aka THE BEST THING YOU WILL EVER EAT. comes in all shapes and sizes btw


freezing my ass off at the fisherman's bastion and trying not to look it


fisherman's bastion


BEAR HEAD


feather print


famous composers




DINOSAURS!!!!!!! 8D


a cafe i must not only eat at, but own someday


picasso



more prague vienna budapestCollapse )

school's starting next week and i sadly don't feel rested at all. ): been running around like a headless chicken since the end of term and basically not stopped moving since. went to the gym for the first time in over a fortnight today and mindlessly pounded 6 km away and walked for another, before realising that i'm such a ridiculous creature of habit that not doing something i hate for ten days ruins my groove. and those ten days were meant to be a holiday, mind.

alright just left this window alone for an hour or so to finish up the dla piper application, time to dance away on ahmed's wii hahahaha. i bought him a ridiculous dance on broadway game thing for christmas and it looks.. promising, to say the least. kind of wish leon was here. OH WELL

12/12/10 10:53 am - onethousandtwohundredeightytwo: kent & curwen!

SCHOOL'S OUT

but the fight's far from over sigh. anyway, menswear shoot for kent & curwen, i scribbled a short description on Qualified (http://the-qualified.blogspot.com). thank god for edwin because kane pulled out at the very last minute -.- honestly, i don't even have the energy to be annoyed about this

presenting andrew, mike and edwin in suits and posh english schoolboy clothes hehe































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12/1/10 12:39 am - onethousandtwohundredeightyone: who put the brr in berlin!

life has been insane

here goes, berlin!!













































































































































































































john and jackie at lse































me rushing down aldwych

















three essays and ten days to go. i can do this.

11/20/10 04:23 am - onethousandtwohundredeighty: look i'm standing naked before you-

just back from bhangra crush and yash's house party. good night. life has just been essays, going out, coping with society stuff.. well i think i've run out of words at 4.21 am. just typing out bits of my eu law essay now as my hair dries, this is how awake i am now.

11/6/10 03:09 pm - onethousandtwohundredseventynine: what have i been doing??

1. lots of essays
2. taking pictures for qualified
3. hanging out with friends/living with nina
4. planning where to go with leon (!! :D), who did loads of pull-ups. don't mess y'all.

men men men























girls











































10/26/10 11:05 pm - onethousandtwohundredseventyeight: trail of ruby red and diamond white-

listening to old songs now and i'm just sitting here trying to remember what i was doing this time, two years ago. leon's a clear marker for time 'cause he's taking a's now, but that tells me nothing about my frame of mind back then.

one thing's for sure, i didn't have the time/consciousness/will to sit around trying to figure out how i feel about loads of things because i just always knew. i semi-lost my temper today and i'm not proud of it, but at the same time i wouldn't take it back. i can't even tell if this is honest/objective justification or just my pride talking. either way, it shouldn't happen again.

the past week's been a blur because of jan's arrival, then continually sleeping late and waking early and a messed up throat because i screamed too much on the leicester square rides two nights in a row. reading's been hell thanks to my glorious/murderous class allocations, but now i know what i have to do.

after today, i realise (not entirely unhappily) that the idea of having a go at someone or anyone completely filter-less and raw doesn't exactly sound terrible to me. i don't know what this is, it could be plain exhaustion/frustration or an indication of something more awful, like an actual pathological need to hurt people's feelings i've been denying for a while. not to sound like some kind of noble repressed emotional martyr crackpot type thing but i know i have a temper on me. god knows how much i acted on it when i was younger, and how much.. i wouldn't say damage 'cause nothing serious ever happened, but suffice to say i definitely showed it loads. amidst all this inarticulation, i think i was a lot less tolerant and possibly emotionally healthier.

argh i don't want this to be some kind of blurgh blurgh i'm damaged 'cause i'm changed and social needs have pressured me into becoming a more acceptable/likeable person blurgh whine moan kind of thing because it's not. i have more measured and qualified reactions to things now. i'm mostly comfortable and have come to terms with the notion of compromise and tolerance for the bigger picture's sake. i won't say i'm perfectly happy with some situations, but at least i understand why it's necessary and that's fine. but still, it's really stupid and sometimes insignificant things that really piss me off. i don't even know, shit like people taking my food, not knowing when jokes stop being funny.. i don't even know what they are specifically, at this point in time but it's just small little incidents that build up and sometimes i just want to push people's buttons and provoke them to the point where maybe a physical fight or something happens. it's kind of a "why should i care about your physical or emotional well-being when you don't care about mine" sort of lame hooligan logic, mixed in with knowing that i don't care enough about a lot of people or their opinions to bother being civil, let alone pretend to be interested so there's technically nothing stopping me from hurting someone the worst way i can. of course this fades away after a bit and they'll never know, but this unwarranted malice and craving to just do something is still there. there've been about four occasions in my entire life where i've felt enough rage or aggression or eagerness to be physically violent, but i've never acted on it. forget wall-punching, never been outright and viciously rude or full-on screamed, even. this actually perfectly captures how i desperately want and not want to do something at the same time.

so much for becoming a "nicer" or "better" person after jc. i'm fundamentally a thug, just well-trained now 'cause there are other goals i'm chasing at stake. definitely a good thing i've still got a livejournal i guess.
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